I can breathe deeply, choose to not care about her, and decide that she has no impact on my life…but if my HUSBAND doesn’t do the same thing, then it’s futile. Hello there, I had experience same like you. In my work with remarried couples, almost 100% of the time they come in for help, it’s because there has been so much focus on the kids and the ex-spouses that the marriage relationship is in the tanker. Remember that. Thanks A.J. Skin Care Uniquely You Fashion. You are right to point out that basically we all need to grow up and grow up quickly. Wednesday Martin» Blog Archive » Love, Lust, Sex, Power, Romance: Is There a Third Partner in Your Marriage? It’s amazing how the stepcouple preys on that negative energy against her. Thanks for sharing! Public displays of affection are good for children to see. Hi. If your ex finds you in person or texts you to let you know they still care, they probably do. Make time for the two of you solo. Have you ever thought about what your stepcouple relationship would be like if you didn’t obsess about the EX? What you say is true. Thread Tools. I dated my ex for three years and we broke up a little over a year ago. The kids pick up on it and feel torn, confused and angry. I would welcome anyone’s tips–especially an expert like you–about just exactly HOW a woman with stepkids who is dealing with an uncooperative and/or undermining ex-wife can redirect her own focus in order to give energy to the stepcouple rather than the person producing static. I think a good number of women who have problems with the ex have those problems due in large part to their husbands. That way I don’t have to resent her …or you either. I've to say, it depends on girl's characteristics. I think that putting the focus on our own marriages is a great idea…the one thing I would say in rebuttal is that it is often the husband who brings the ex-wife into the current relationship. So while it may be fairly easy in some situations to ignore the ex herself, it is often almost impossible to ignore, or not be obsessed with, the alienated children, especially when they are abusive, angry, and violent. If you do still care, then you should let him or her know. Since an ex who wants you back is likely to do the opposite of what you expect, here are four real signs that he secretly wants you back. Do you find yourselves as a couple colluding in anger against HER (or HIM? So cry. Breaking up with your ex can be a very trying time in your life. She never cheated but did things behind my back and i stopped trusting her. Copyright 2017 Stepcoupling.com. Give us a break! If he talks with his ex before getting your feelings, opinions, thoughts etc, she’s in the loop …and you’re not. He’s always getting so emotional over everything that I say or do. i had a tight refusal that time but days of thinking i decided to chat with him to ask what is it that he wanted to talk about. It shocked me so much I sort of sat there with my mouth open for about ten minutes before I could even respond. My relationship has suffered tremendously, to the point that we are taking a break, but working on dating and trying to mend our relationship. Display as a link instead, × If we both need to move on, (which I already know he has, but Im struggling with) then we cant be friends. 9 Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Might Still Care About You. Thanks Joy for clarifying this, Joy. Stepmothers who do not support the parenting relationship are setting themselves up big time, and they will be the ones to suffer the most when resisting this natural relationship. ", then this article can help you. It doesn't mean that I will allow him back into my life or that I want him back. Often the new stepcouple bears the brunt of these unresolved emotional problems… sad to say. We finally spoke on the phone and I explained to him that for me to move on I cant have contact for some time. Its been okay. When you ask the question, “why do you care about the ex?” there are many, many answers, and not all of them within our control. Why do exes come back? Good luck. I think he finally got it through his thick skull and he calmed down. hello kate my ex tried to reach me out again days after i wrote here through our common friend on fb mssgnr(i wasn’t even read your reply yet). I don't care what my last ex-husband does now because we don't have a child. It took ten years. Clear editor. NC again. Civil and polite can do the trick and save everyone lots of aggravation. Daily. Your ex’s reality is that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. Jealousy is never a good thing in a marriage, so trust is critical. Thanks Wednesday. He is my Prince Charming!” she will instead be thinking something like, “He doesn’t get it. Many exes are so angry and intruisive that it’s impossible to ignore them. I don’t blame you. the stress has been overwhelming. Pasted as rich text. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. First there’s jealousy. Now I’m not saying it’s easy or even that you want to. His perception is it’s not working, and anything you say isn’t going to change his mind. By Any past boyfriends....I DO NOT CARE. confused24, One sentence really resonated […]. Luckily, if you feel unconditional love for your ex, that feeling never goes away. Vacations away with NO children are a must when one can afford them. Children do feel more secure when they know that their parents are happy and in a good and solid relationship. But when you don’t feel supported by your husband, and you have talked to him over and over about how you feel, it does put a whole new spin on things. Often such extremely uncooperative and undermining ex wives have some type of undiagnosed disorder (such as borderline personality disorder) in which conflict is almost like oxygen in a fire–it fuels further conflict. Because your ex is pretending to be over you and doesn’t want to move on; And that’s it. I guess you are right. I really do think the issues are different when we get into this decade, or at least they take a slightly different slant. . Show Printable Version; Email this Page… 01-30-2011, 04:32 PM #1. confused24. That’s why deciding whether your ex might want you back is a little like reading a foreign language with no translation. . Oh I agree with your advice – I think the point I was trying to make is that putting all the blame for “caring about the ex” on teh current spouse is not always fair or a good reflection on reality. Is My Ex Hurting Too: Signs He Is Hurting After The Break Up. To some point the ex is inherently part of ones life when it comes to the children/issues like that, but it’s easy to obsess on this. Others, who truly loved their ex, can't let go. Ever think about the power she (or he) has in your life and the energy she uses? Every little thing starts to grate on your nerves and you begin to resent everything. Though I will run into him so will prob be awkward and weird again. Too much focus on everything but the marriage. Something maybe a bit perverse. Fashion See All Fashion . If I don't miss my ex, then why do I care that he has a new girlfriend? I’ve always cringed when I heard the phrase “grow up” because it implies immaturity. You don't need to show your ex anything. The only reason they care about staying connected with your friends is because these are the middlemen when it comes to talking to you or finding out things about you (that they can’t ask you). ??? 1. It is ever present. Some are unreliable, drug and alcohol affected, angry, and unfulfilled people. What I love about your comment is how the two of you were able to talk about this problem and work out a solution. And so, difficult as it is, the best thing is to retreat and wait and live one’s own life. etc. Again, this is no small task and we all have had our “days” when we needed to back up and regroup and begin again with a different perspective. Celebrate your marriage with date night. I wish my family would quit "stalking" the people that don't matter and then trying to "update" me on them. You are right to point out that some of the ex-wives are not healthy individuals. I need to make something clear. Whether your ex left you or you left your ex, it is highly possible that they still love you. xx wednesday, […] http://www.stepcoupling.com/2010/01/why-do-you-care-about-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-295 […]. But more often than not, the ex-wife is not crazy and not dysfunctional, just as the stepmother is more often than not, not crazy and not dysfunctional. I will continue to follow the blogs and read as much as I can because it’s making a huge difference in my personal path to clarity. I still love and care for him, always will. I went NC though we have talked a little over the last 2 weeks because we have run into each other(have many mutual friends). Susan, I love the emphasis you put on the marital relationship in this piece. And neat site, I came via Wednesday Martin! The truth is, the EX is yesterday’s news. Why do we put up with all the questions that social media dredges up that really we just should not have to know about? So I just wanted to point that out. There are many emotional reasons why this is common and hard to change. Finally, most of the women with stepkids I know and work with know better than to fall into the trap of competing with mom. You cannot paste images directly. Is it time to move on and focus on your stepcouple, the kids, and anything else that comes up in today’s stressful world that needs your attention? he wanted to talk and ask permission if he could still pay me a visit in my workplace. 4 years ago . The irony was that he only wanted me to socialize with the mean kids. View Profile View Forum Posts Member Join Date Jan 2011 Posts 117 Gender Female. And he stopped insisting on it. One time he asked me if I am talking to someone else. Then it becomes an issue between you and your husband. I can’t tell you the HORROR STORIES I’ve heard over the years of problems with exes. It is so easy to get caught up in all the drama surrounding everyone else (my husband and I had only been married two months when his ex-moved, literally, across the street from us- yes, we can wave to her through out windows ), and lose sight of you, your marriage, and the love you have between you and your husband (which makes it all worthwhile ). The stronger the stepcouple, the more support and love they have to raise his, hers and their children. As for the stepmother side of things, we need compassion too. Great ideas coming out here . Bye means bye. 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